The Secret Life of Hobbits
by Fernie
Summary: They always seem so cute and innocent and Hobbity on the outside, but what you don't know is...well you'll have to read and find out! MWAHAHA! and of course Pippin is totally oblivious...(contains drug use)


THE SECRET LIFE OF HOBBITS  
  
***Chapter 1  
  


* * *

  
Somewhere in a hole, in the beautiful peaceful land called the Shire, a Hobbit by the name of Frodo Baggins had just woken up to a perfect day. He stretched and yawned loudly, then rolled over and hit his head on a tree root. Wha??? WHAT THE HELL WAS A TREE ROOT DOING.....but Frodo had not woken up in the hole that he thought. It was actually some random hole in the ground that a kid had dug out of boredom. Frodo jumped up. He was filthy! Covered in dirt! He began to brush it off hurriedly, as an earwig crawled out of – you guessed it - his earhole. He shivered with disgust and looked up. The hole was at least 8 meters deep. Man the kid who dug this hole must have been bored! Or just really eeeevilll... And how the hell did he get in this hole anyway? He tried to think back...it was all so fuzzy...he looked down at his jacket pocket. A small hessian sack was poking out of it. He grabbed the sack and looked in it. Nothing...although...there was a strange yet somewhat familiar aroma about that bag... Suddenly a head appeared at the top of the hole.  
  
"Hello Frodo, lovely day isn't it?" Merry chirped.  
  
Frodo looked up.  
  
"May I ask...what on earth you are doing in that hole?" Merry questioned the very confused Frodo.  
  
"Well I was wondering the same thing myself actuall...wait..."  
  
Something was starting to come back to Frodo...he was sitting in Merry's kitchen...Merry went into a small room that Frodo had never noticed before...then he reappeared with a small hessian sack of... "Mushrooms!" Frodo yelled aloud.  
  
"Where?!?" Merry asked excitedly, looking this way and that.  
  
"What exactly were those mushrooms that you gave me last night?" Frodo asked Merry suspiciously. "Oh those," Merry said, "They were a special species that I've been growing... wicked, weren't they?" he said with an insane glint in his eyes.  
  
"Yeah," Frodo said dreamily, then the two proceeded to giggle hysterically.  
  


* * *

  
"THANKYOU COME AGAIN," Pippin said loudly in a poorly impersonated Indian accent. The customer stared at him weirdly.  
  
"Why are you talking like that?" the weirded out customer asked.  
  
"Oh I saw it on a movie once," Pippin replied happily in his usual, terribly cute scottish accent.  
  
"Ok..." the customer said, grabbing his hessian sack of mushrooms and backing away slowly, then breaking into a sprint.  
  
"THANKYOU COME AGAIN!" Pippin yelled after him.  
  
"Pippin, I told you to stop doing that...it seriously freaks the customers out," Merry said, walking up the path of his home.  
  
"Sorry..." Pippin said, rather crestfallen, "But it's so much fun!!" he added gleefuly.  
  
"I'm starting to regret my promise to let you work for me..." Merry mumbled.  
  
He had been running his own business from home for nearly two years now - 'Merry's Magical Munchable Mushrooms Magicaly Munchiness'. Oh how everyone had laughed. "You'll never sell a thing with a business name like that!" they would guffaw to him. Well who was laughing now! Due to the "Supreme Special-ness" of his mushrooms, he had half the Shire hooked! He grinned eeeevilly to himself, but snapped out of his malicious thoughts as he realised Pippin had been talking to him.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I saaaid," Pippin began irritably, "I wonder why the mushrooms have been selling so well lately! More well than usual! They must be really good, I might try one..."  
  
"No!" Merry said, a little too quickly. "...I mean, no," he said casually, "They taste bad. Horrible."  
  
"Then why are they selling so good?"  
  
"Becaause they just...erm...mumble mumble muffin crumble..." Merry trailed off.  
  
"Did you just say crumbly muffin?"  
  
"Erm..."  
  
"I LOVE MUFFINS!!!"  
  
"Um, yess...well I'll bake some...muffins... tomorrowday," Merry finished lamely, knowing that in Pippin's food induced state of stupidity he wouldn't realise that tomorrowday isn't a day, therefore Merry wouldn't have to bake him muffins after all.  
  
"COOL!" Pippin squealed, and zoomed off down the path like a crazy kid pretending to be an aeroplane. Merry winced as he crash landed in the vegetable patch.  
  
**************************************************************************** *  
  
So whatcha think?? I have no idea if I'm gonna continue with this, so that's all for now.  
  
**PLEASE REVIEW**  
  
~*Fernie*~ 


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